Sibling Rivalry - UGH or should I say UGLY!

Parents with just one child miss out on the "joy" of sibling rivalry. When there are 2 or more children, you have a great potential for conflict because everyone has their idea of how things should be done. In a family, people are more verbal and physical about expressing their opinions.

Sibling rivalry CAN be dealt with using the stop-stop-start method:

1. STOP MEANNESS - If you think about it, sibling rivalry really gets fueled by meanness. Animosity develops and the meanness gets returned and keeps going until someone steps in and stops it. When meanness between siblings is not tolerated there is much less fuel for sibling rivalry. I suggest you make it extremely uncomfortable for a child to exhibit meanness to their siblings. You know your children and what motivates them to stop a negative behavior. For a child that likes to run around and be active, sitting in a chair when they are mean to a sibling might be all the motivation they need to stop being mean. If they know that every time the are mean they will have to sit in a chair for 30 minutes (or whatever time you choose), they will probably decide that being mean is not worth their time.

2. The STOP rule - In our house, we have the stop rule. If 2 or more members of the family are interacting and 1 person says "stop", then whatever is being done to that person needs to stop. If a child is being touched or bothered by another sibling (or parent) and the child says "stop", then the offender has to stop. This includes "tickle time" where Mom sits in the middle of the room and children run around and try not to get "captured". When they get "captured" they enjoy being tickled. I always make sure I stop when the child says "stop". This teaches them that they have a voice and it teaches the other person to respect someone else's words.

3. Start showing respect - as the meanness at your house drifts away you can start talking about showing each other respect. When we value each other and show respect we are thinking of others and how we can serve them.

If you watch any of the Super Nanny or Nanny 911 - Season 1 TV shows you will see that meanness is stopped and respect is instituted. It's a great show to watch as a teaching tool. Sometimes people can see things in other people that they don't realize they themselves are doing. We have always learned a lot about family dynamics from this show.

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